20 Ways to Create Space for Personal Power...
I have been on a long and winding road of physical, emotional, spiritual healing for nearly 10 years now. It is a tricky and beautiful journey. As I continue to heal, I find myself thinking about things in ways that feel really different to me. I have been thinking a lot lately about power and how it manifests in the world. How we use the power we have and how we give our power away.
I recently read a Blog Post in Psychology Today entitled "Personal Power" by Robert Firestone Ph.D. In his blog he describes three different constructs of power:
Overt Negative Power he opines "is characterized by aggressive tendencies and is exercised through the use of domination, coercion, or force to control others." Some of the signs that Overt Negative Power is being wielded include: using coercion and threats; using emotional abuse; using isolation; using economic abuse; and minimizing, denying, and blaming.
Covert Negative Power which he describes as being "based on passive-aggression and is manifested in behaviors indicating weakness, incompetence and self-destructive tendencies that manipulate others in the interpersonal world by arousing their feelings of fear, guilt and anger." Is there someone in your life who consistently makes you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster? Do you know a person who is friendly one day but sulks and withdraws the next? Does a family member or friend consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall, and shut down any emotionally-laden conversations? Are you sometimes that person? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, chances are you may be interacting with a passive aggressive person or showing signs of passive-aggressive behavior yourself.
Positive Power which Dr. Firestone calls personal power and describes as being "based on strength, confidence, and competence that individuals gradually acquire in the course of their development. It is self-assertion, and a natural, healthy striving for love, satisfaction and meaning in one's interpersonal world. This type of power represents a movement toward self-realization and transcendent goals in life; its primary aim is mastery of self, not others. Personal power is more an attitude or state of mind than an attempt to maneuver or control others. It is based on competence, vision, positive personal qualities, and service. When externalized it is likely to be more generous, creative and humane than other forms of power."
Though it is not easy to say so in a public forum, I have exhibited both negative and positive power behaviours in my lifetime. What is clear to me is that my own negative power behaviours manifest when I am stuck in self-loathing, when my confidence is low, and when things around me seemed out of control.
As I put effort into developing myself there is little room for the negative power to manifest.
I have listed below 20 actions that you can take if you want to edge out negative power and create more space in your life for positive personal power:
Tune in to your body and listen to what it is telling you.
Have the guts to be authentic by being vulnerable and putting your uniqueness out there for everyone to see.
Recognize how you give your power away (by negatively reacting to someone or something; by blaming the outside world for anything; by arguing, scolding, or criticizing).
Know what you stand for.
Love and accept who you are and what you experience.
Make peace with where you are, instead of focusing on where you think you should be.
Take full responsibility for every aspect of your life, without self-judgement.
Honor your own self care, personal needs and desires.
Believe in what you are doing.
Follow your strengths and passion to find your sweet spot.
Trust yourself and have the courage to act on your intuition.
Use your incredible determination and magnificent will. Don't stop going after what is in your heart.
Forgive freely - both yourself and others. Realize anyone who hurt you is most likely just trying to make sense of a world or situation that hurt them.
Know that your worth is not defined by what others say about you or even what you say about yourself.
Become your own best friend and learn that you, alone, are enough just as you are.
Love and accept others for who they are, instead of who you think they could or should be.
Create something you're incredibly proud of.
Realize you already have everything you need.
Give yourself more consistent credit — you are doing a fantastic job.
Be patient about the unfolding of the big picture (macro) but act with decisiveness and speed on the things you do daily (micro).
Do you have other actions that work for you? I would love to hear what they are.
Website: www.kathydeacon.com
Email: info@kathydeacon.com
Phone:202-480-0715
and let me champion you as you PowerUp!
